This year is my first time going Area Camp as Instructer. It's been like 3 years since I went to he ATC Campsite! When I saw the Instructors tere, they just remind me how it was when I was a Sec 2 cadet. Suddenly, this HO Jasper ask me to take group with him so became a Group Instructor also. Nevermind, it's a opportunity for me to learn and experience(:

Day 1
Practically, some schools were late so we started our Camp Opening quite late too and didn't really have introduction of the instructers to the cadets. I think actually they can finish pitching up the tents like real fast but they took alot of time in drawing the logistics and changing their tent sheets. Their movement were quite slow and when some of them are finished or waiting for their tent sheets to be exchanged, they were just standing around and not helping the others. If they made th effort to help one another, it will be so much faster. Dinner time, fast in eating but slowly in cleaning. So many cadets were cleaning the place together yet there are still so many leftovers all over the floor. Lots of scoldings to the cadets due to their movements, discipline and resonsibility. Bathing part with the Instructors was fun and we had supper together. Most of us went to sleep around 3am and the guys did the night duty. Chasing the crockroach away before sleeping is funny! (:

Day 2
Woke up around 6am due to the noise by the cadets. When I walk out to the canteen, I saw around 15 cadets that were late. While they were doing scretching, I was like walking around then suddenly they ask me go raise flag then I can't go brush teeth! That was like awkward and I covered my mouth all the way to the flag pole. After raising the flag, they continue with their Physical Training and I went to brush my teeth at the canteen's basin. Breakfast and they left their place uncleaned again. Campfire Preparation was fun as they finally can let loose and "enjoy" abit in the camp. Activity Cycle starts right after Campfire Prep. Did the first station for Amazing Race near the ATC Logistic House, was standing there for awhile only then all the mosquito all come after me. Total there is 3 cycle so must wait for the cadets to come over after their other activities. During my waiting time, Diana Ma'am and the other instructors taught me how to played some card game that lasts really very long! Today's bathing time is really early and when I put on my Area Tee, I felt really happy cause I'm part of Area 6 as Instructor(: Anyway the bathing session was really epic and funny! At night, we went over to the STC side to have the combined Campfire with the Sec 3s. Campfire was quite alright and it reminds me about me being the emcee of the campfire like 2 years back. We always make ourselves high rather than the cadets making everybody feel high, haha! Going back to the ATC side and we had our every-year-event "Pasar Malam" and it is quite furious. This time, we shared noodles and mushroom soup among us for supper. Everybody was so tired and most of us went to sleep already and the others split themselves and did the night duty.

Day 3
This time I kind of overslept as I woke up like 7am! It was breakfast time then I realised I didnt do anything to help out yet. Opps! After breakfast, we had the area cleaning. This time, things were quite smooth and we interview the nominated cadets. We lie to them that weare sending them to some 'Wight Management' programme and we can only choose one among them so they have to go through the interview before they are chosen. The cadets were really funny and they kind of like believe it. Everything was kind of settled then we start to move to the STC Side to meet up with the Sec 3s and travel to the Jetty. We sang alot of songs during the way out and had some fun during the journey. When leaving the jetty, you can see most of the cadets with happy faces and tired faces. This Area Camp has really let me learnt alot and I believe all these will let me become a better Cadet Inspector(:

Anyway, I'm still kind of bothered by the cadets calling me "SIR" ._.

Lately was busy doing project and presentation and doesnt have time to pack my camp bag till today. Have to spend more time in packingmy bag so this post would be short and simple(: I'm going Area Camp as Instruction for this time and I'm really excited about it. Will be away from 31 Aug till 2 Sep. Hopefully there will be reception so I could at least message. Let's end here then! The next post would definitely about my experience in Area Camp !

Pulau Ubin, here I come!

It's been one month since I graduated from CIBTC. Kind of missed the life as a trainee and also can't wait to clear the probations. During this one month, I really pump alot of my time into NPCC like going for SYFOC Log Team, Drill Comp Duty, Range Duty and PK stuffs. Through these events, I get to know alot people that can really guide me throughout my CI life.

It's really enjoying during the duties cause you actually learn and have fun with the fellow CIs. Understanding what are the duties and the difference of the duties to be done. Inside Drill Comp, you help in the registrations, pressing bell, keeping time and maintaining the crowds. Like being in the Logistics, making sure there is enough rations and logs for the event. For Range Duty, you will help sticking the stickers on the targets, controlling the targets in the control room, counting the scores, helping in the range room, carparks and registrations. So many different roles to be learnt and being the Range IC was quite fun when you just sit in the control room and control the distance and time for the targets. Logistics is fun when you start packing things into the tentage and preparing for the cadets to collect.

Really enjoyed being a CI but higher rank means more responsibilities. Posting is still not out yet but alot people already told me that there is a high chance which I will be posted out of Peicai. I mean I already know this before I actually go for CIBTC. Knowing the fact but yet still afraid of the fact. So long that the posting is not out, Im not posted out of Peicai yet, I will do my best to train and bring out the potential of the cadets. Was wondering if I set too high expectations on my Sec 2s that they seem to be so exhausted. They are so not used to my way of teaching "before course" and "after course" difference. IF I really get posted out, I hope that before I get the posting, the cadets can really change and shine. Probably the last thing I would want to achieve before leaving.

CIBTC had marked its end two days ago. When CIBTC just starts, I cant wait for it to end but now, I hope I can do it all over again. Since 19 May to 23 June, the days that different people from different units met each other and become a batch together. 4 MCs, 1 NRC, 5 Days of RC, 4 Days of ATC, it just make us bond even more. Everybody seem to be having post-course syndrome.

First day of MC, uniform inspection and etc was all so strict. Instructors with fierce and "do not mess with" looks. Lectures, lectures and drills. Everybody is like falling asleep during lectures. Remember the times when everybody had to come out with lesson plan and ATC proposal stuffs. Messing with your own brain about sleeping or doing work, minds keep wondering around during the course. Foot Drills 1, Foot Drills 2, Flagstaff, Lashings, Pioneering and more. At times, all the "THIS IS SHIT", "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS" or "WHY AM I HERE" was all in my mind and definitely and some of the J12 people's mind too but we never forget the purpose of attending this CIBTC.

MCs finally ended and Sunday was supposely to be a break for us but Group 6, Poseidon, still have to go for Recce that lasts for 4hours. Mosquito bites are all around our hands and legs. Itchy all over the body and can't stop scratching. The next day is NRC and got to be at Ubin again. Flagstaff and Tent pitching, it was never so challenging before. Probably, we all never took all these things into our heart before so we dont feel the challenge back then. Eating the combat ration and sharing food together in the squad seriously just bring us even closer. Right after NRC, it's RC and 5days straight.

First day of RC was kind of smooth and know more people as my bunkmates. Can't forget the nights when we all rushing each other to bathe, do laundry, helping each other to do stuffs. After bathing, hair not dried, doing reflections late at night, using our handphones behind the instructors' back. The hilarious part is how we all jump and dive into the bed when instructors are coming in the bunks. The next morning, we all have to help each other braid their hair, prepare uniform and polish boots. Rushing each other to fall in and march to the Drill Shed. One day have around 2 COA and everytime must run up the stairs and change inside the bunk and chiong all the way down to the first floor again. Late at night must still meet up with ATC Group or Squad to discuss about PT, Lesson plan and Proposals. Running into the male laundry room instead of the female laundry room with Geraldine, doing alot of funny stuffs together. RC is really fun and memoriable. 

ATC, the final stage of CIBTC. Everyone tried to put in their very best as I believe everybody want to have a very nice ending. Having the group identity on our hand, it always remind us that we are part of the group and that things possible. Flag raising, Physical Training, Camp Familiarisation, Tent Inspection, Pioneering, Special Programme, Land Expedition, Squad Debrief, Mass Debrief and more. Girls having hard time braiding their hairs again and again, waking up with hair that is not fully dried, going through the days without handphones, eating instant noodles and canned food, queuing up for cubicle to bathe and many more. The most enjoyable time would definitely be Campfire as it really led us crazy. Feeling touched when the CIIs sang the song to us and being happy that ATC is ending.

POC, happy yet sad as we might not see each other as often as we does during the course. Able to see each other every Saturday for MCs, facing each other everyday during RCs and ATCs, and it's already POC. When we all receive our certificate, I believe many of us felt the sense of achievement. When all of us stood at the back of the hall, watching the video that the CIIs prepared, we giggled, we laughed and also felt touched. The tears of not wanting to leave, hoping to stay longer, was dripped down from my eyes. Oh well, I controlled (: There are people who really shed tears when watching the video.

How coud we ever forget the times we all had together? I believe everybody will remember it as it had already become part of our memory. Being trainees together, getting punished together, sharing the same bunk/tent and sharing food together. I seriously hope we could semula and redo everything again but it can't. Hopefully all of us will meet up soon and with 54 of us, none of us are being left out. Because of this 54 of us, we make up to a possible J12.



On the 27 May, which is last Sunday, I took part in the PAYM Shine Awards Performance with the Mountbatten CC Dance Interest Group. Theme for the event was Blue, Silver and White. I was wondering what type of silver stuff I can get for the performance. Can't really find silver apparels then got only my silver belt and silver wrist band. I wore a white singlet inside the white translucent top, blue shorts and my dancing shoe. I met up with Caifa and Suying at Ang Mo Kio MRT then we proceed to Orchard to meet the others and also saw Angeline and Apple as we got down the train.

When we met with the girls, we went to Burger King to find Chenghui, Angela, Yanyan and others. We ate our lunch and met others like the 2 Justin guy and Adel. Figuring the way to Orchard Hotel with the picture given by Wandee. Justin got kind of blur when we are at the underpass. Finally found Orchard Hotel and was waiting at the Ballroom for instruction to be given. Some people give their costume for the people to help them iron and we put our bags to the Lavendar Room so we could do our practice. Angeline, Grace and me was dancing offstage for the event. It was kind of scary because the audience are just infront of us but of course the eyes of the audience are mostly on top of the stage. After rehearsal, we changed to our costume, have dinner and then have our makeup done. All the makeup artists are like so cool and relaxed as they play music, sing along and do our makeup. The person did my makeup like so OH MY GOSH! She actually put makeup base, foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, blusher, lipstick and lip gloss. My makeup is so thick that I cant even recognise myself too but alot people say that it's very nice. We had another dry run and photographs to be taken and then went to do our hair. We took alot of pictures even with Kenneth and Wandee also.

Around 7pm, everybody is getting ready at their own place for the performance to start. Once Justin start rapping and Caifa start beatboxing, we jump and run into the ballroom with our hands clapping. Till Justin say something that gives us a signal, we run to our placing and start dancing. I was so afraid that I might make a boo-boo but thank goodness, I did not but I realise my face doesnt have those expression. After dancing, everybody was so happy that we completed the performance. We took pictures with each other then went off soon after. Justin Chua, Apple, Grace and me went to Orchard Ion and have our very late dinner at some sushi shop. We end up chatting into some weird conversation that I think I shouldnt reveal~ Anyway it was quite a fun day and memoriable day.

Mountbatten Group with Kenneth Wong

Performing people

With the Makeup Blastic

Charis, Angeline, Angela, ChengHui, Me, Terrence, Justin Lam

Though it wasnt like the birthdays before with all my friends, at least the new friends I made, celebrated with me. I LOVE YOU GUYS LIKE HELLA LOTS ♥

27 April ; Serena bought me a present and it's in blue too. My favourite colour, thanks alot Serena .  People like Norman, Grace and the dance people  prepared a cake for me and celebrated after CCA. Everybody is like "SOLO SOLO" because Erwin said I'm gonna perform solo. I thought they were suppose to entertain me instead? So awkward but I dragged Norman to dance with me. Anyway, Normzz and Grace was so funny that they actually brought me to choose cake and they say "the cake is for a girl we both know and she's kind of alike to you so we hope you can choose for us". How many people in this world likes Doraemon and has same taste as me? OH MY GOD? So actually I knew what they will be doing but was still very happy and touched for what they did . After that went to ZhuHai's house for dinner. He cooked for me a dinner. Except my family, who else would actually make the effort to cook for me? It's been a long time since I ate home cooked food. His cooking is quite good, at least better than mine. Enjoyed the dinner that he prepared though it took quite awhile before I get to eat. Thanks alot, ZhuHai. Really appreciate what you did .

28 April ; Woke up quite late so end up meeting my Aunt with Mom for dinner instead of lunch. We went to the Crystal Jade Restaurant @ NEX. The soup was very nice and sweet but I dont like the chicken in it though. We also ordered the Peking Roast Duck but I only eat the skin cause it's very crispy and nice especially when it wrapped with the egg skin and others. I dont really like to eat meat so I took out the duck meat from the noodle. The vegetable with garlic was quite okay and the Salted Egg Prawn was nice but just a little bit too much of flour, thats all. Dessert was Mango Pudding and it was very nice even though I didnt add the milk into it. We went around to shop around then end up at Isetan. Bought a Sheer Illuminating Base and Hydrating Sheer Lipshine from CHANEL. Thanks Mom and Aunt for buying it for me. We saw "The Avengers" show then we saw people playing the game. Hammering the object and see how much score you can get. Couldn't believe that I actually went to play, and got like about 600 points. So embarassing cause there's alot people looking. Meet ZhuHai around 8.30pm and went to buy the movie tickets of P.O.V, the Horror Film of Japan. Grace was supposed to come but she wasn't free.The show starts at 9.15pm then at first was like kind of boring till it starts to have some loud noise and those ghost finally appear. I was like so calm but ZhuHai and the girl at our row was like so scared. I'm like giggling and so calm at a horror film. AWESOME RIGHT? Anyway, thanks for the Gift from Jeremy. I really like the jigsaw Doraemon. After the movie, took a cab home then was like so tired and saw alot of wishes on facebook. Thank you so much, people!

29 April ; Second brother took me and mom out for lunch and we are having Dinner @ Jack's Place with Dad and brother. To celebrate my belated birthday and my brother's early birthday. My Elder Brother's birthday is on 2 May and is like so near to mine also. The waitress didnt really serve us and she look at us as if we got no money to pay. Last time their service was like excellent but now is like a piece of shit. Totally disappoint me but the food did not. I still enjoyed the Seafood Salad and Lobster Bisque. It's my all time favourite at Jack's Place. After eating, I went to Hai Bin @ Punggol with Mom, 2nd Brother and YongZheng. The new pond was opened so we decided to try. I caught 2 fish from the pond and caught like 3-4 patin at the normal pond. Was kind of happy today and had lots of fun. It's been very long since the whole family sat down and eat together. Really enjoy family time together at times.
Many people says that Relationships are just like ; Rubberbands - The more you pull and when you let go, the more hurt will the partner gets. Also, there are people saying that it's like ; Flying Kite - The tighter you pull the string, the higher chance that it will snap. There's also another thinking like - The girl is the item on shelf, if you like it, you should go for it. If you leave it there for too long, another person will come along and take it away. Dont you feel so too? If you truly like the person, just go for it. Dont leave it there for too long and wait till someone else took it away then you start to regret it.

Taking that last thinking ; You might felt that it's not worth "buying" that item, so you walked away and left it there. Once you reached home and start thinking, you realised that you actually needs it. When you went back to the store, somebody else already bought it away and start treasuring it. Never take too long for a decision. Some items might stay there for you but some may not. They arent really on reserved mode just for you. There will always be someone better that will treasure them way more than you do. For those that has a crush, dont you felt that you should go back to the store and get it?

Girls might neglect those good guys around them but also guys, dont you felt that you neglected the wonderful girls around you too? (:

i do not own this picture - Had quite an awesome time at the Chalet with Shermen, Jeremy, Kenneth, YangSheng, MingMin, KaiJia, Keith and others. Though the first night was kind of the turn-off. Had such a difficult time trying to sleep and fail like shit. Middle of the night like 4am plus, stomach cramp and broke out in cold sweat. That was such a bad experience at the chalet. Second day, went fishing with Jeremy and Shermen at Bedok Jetty then he fell sick. Sad for him that he keep puking then we cant catch much fish also. Went back to the chalet around 2pm plus and I'm so burnt. After we went back the chalet, we played Blackjack with Kaylyn, Vicki and Zihao. From the start already keep losing money to Jeremy. When Jeremy do split, he split into 4 then he still can win me by having 19 20 19 19.. He won alot but when we played with Kenneth in the night time, he lost quite an amount. When we all going sleep, we realise something scary. That is Caifa, he sleep like a bomb, can hit here hit there and knock our bed. He even go pull away Zac & Shermen's blanket. Zac was like " WTF?! " and in the morning, we had such a hard time waking Caifa up. He's really a deep deep heavy sleeper. We were almost late for check out because of him. Kenneth, Hou Yeung and Keith was so kind to help us clean up the chalet before leaving early and we didnt clear up much. Anyway, it was a good time being with these group of friends. Hope something like this will take place again soon. A gathering that let us talk all night and have fun memorising.

How I wish I can be a photography - To take down pictures of all the memories , happy times, sad times and alot more that human are going through.

How I wish I can be a artist - To draw out what I really am feeling deep inside my heart. To draw out the specials from the originals.

How I wish I can be a counsellor - To be a listening ear and someone who can give people options and lead them back to the right way.

How I wish I can be a illusionist - To be able to draw out whatever had happened in my dream.

How I wish I can be a angel - To bring happiness to people and be able to see all their smiles.

I wish to be these, I know I cant as there's too many. Humans are always so greedy that they want everything for themselves. I'm no different at all. If there's dream, there would be hope. With hope, comes chances. How I wish that there's a place where no worries is, no competition going on, no wars, quarrellings and worries. Living in a peaceful world of my own . How great would that be..

January Post; Only in my heart, no one shall knows .

Have not been blogging for so long already and finally wants to write a post. Too much things to say about it already. Like, chingay has never reach my expectation at all. This is to be honest as the atmosphere really isnt not there yet. Spending so much time to go there and going home so tired everyday. Insomia insomia.. Cant even have a good sleep lately.

Suppose to blog about my GCE N Level Results on 19 December. Failed 1 subject and that's Science. Total, I got 20 points and going to Sec 5 or Higher Nitec has to be 19 points. Damn fustrated and devasted. I was having high hopes on getting 19 points at least but in the end get 20points. Cant go Sec 5. Think it's even a bigger blow to my parents. Nothing can be changed also so just work hard now. So the sequence goes like this.

English Language Syllabus A            Grade 4
Combind Humanities                         Grade 5
Mathematics Syllabus A                    Grade 4
Science (Physics, Chemistry)            UNGRADED
Design And Technology                    Grade 5
Chinese                                              Grade 2
Chinese (Oral/Aural)                          Merit

27 Dec, went to Bishan ITE for my course's interview. I choose Retail as my first choice and the interview was going quite smoothly till some remarks on my report book. Like asking me to stay focused and etc. Guys, be good and let the teachers write good remarks on your report book. Even one negative remark is going to affect you. I explained and today finally got my results. I got in to Bishan ITE and with the course, Retail. Quite happy about it cause I didnt expect they would accept me.

2011 is going to mark its end soon and 2012 would be a new beginning for everybody. I will work hard in Nitec, go straight to High Nitec then promote to Polytechnic. So my parents would be happy for me and I believe that I can do it so long I want it.


Just do your best to achieve what you want

It's about a month that I've not updated my blog D: Lately keep rain then make me sleep until like a log till so late then wake up. Not just work is busy for me, I also need go chingay. Every monday must chiong to catch the last bus but always cannot make it. Saturday must wake up very early also cause as a trainer must be earlier than participant. Sometime see the participants wasnt serious about the training, see already also sian. Some of them still not very cooperative to us, very hard to handle them. Oh well ): Previously, I worked at Marks & Spencers but the people at my branch there isn't so friendly and is like abit racism): So, I left that job already. Brother got me a one-day job at Garden by the Bay by Hilton Hotel. Some catering job and as Kitchen Helper. Then got one chef ask me if I want to work then since I havent found a job, I accept it. The people there also not that social but at least got 1-2 will talk to me. Until the third day of work, I cannot take it already. The people there's at there has a very serious attitude problem man. One chef very good one, he know I dont want work at that Kitchen anymore then he transfer me to the other kitchen which everybody treats me very good but is also my last day of work cause I switching to the other counter already. Currently waiting to go down for interview tomorrow :3 HOOOO, get pay then can go shop shop abit ! Lately, also nothing happened so nothing much to write also. Just that few days ago, went to Grandpa house to celebrate his birthday then ate alot too. Cousins talking about flashmob then we play Monoploy Duo also. Dont understand how the game was played also then just anyhow put. After that just cut cake and then go home already. Aunt gave us alot Mango Pudding and other dessert. Gonna get fat again ._.


I dont want anything, I dont care about any others, I dont wish for forgiveness. I just want you, by my side only -

If time stops right now, I wish every tears that's been shed, would freeze. Down the road, I can only see you, just you, only you.

To my dearest,

There's so much that I wish to let you know at times but I dont know why my memories and courage is failing me. That's why sometimes you didnt hear clearly, I didnt repeat cause I can only gather all the courage to just say once, only once. Your hand is the warmest and softest skin I might ever held. I dont wish to let go of it, just want to hold it tight and never ever let go. Actually Im afraid of alot of thing, not like how many people think of me. Scared of losing you, be it any reasons, still going to be miserable for me.

Alot times, I tried using other method to communicate with you when I cant bring myself to say. If you pay attention to what I said before, pictures or musics, you will realise that all of them forms up to every thing I want to tell you. At times, I cant do things up to your expectation, I feel so useless and also dont know what I can do to make it up for all the mistakes I did. You always try to teach me things in life, things to do and not to do, helping me to control myself but I always end up throwing tantrum, venting angers and showing attitude to you.

Alot of times, I felt so helpless and I cried, lots of tears every day. Ever since that day, I felt like I'm nothing but trouble to you like making you falling apart with your other close ones. I wish you all will reconcile even the price must be parting, I will cause I want all of you to be happy. You've been doing alot of things for me, listening to my complains and trying to help my family. The only things I wish to lasts forever is just the hugs, cause it has alot of warmth. I feel so pampered and protected whenever I'm with you.

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you                                 PS I LOVE YOU ;

Been thinking alot lately about many stuffs like personal things and studies. Im really worried that I cant make it to Sec 5 and couldnt continue my future plan. Though this consultation week I can dont go back school, I chose to go back and study real hard especially for my Maths. I aint giving up on my Science though. I went for Physics today and it's like killing me. Still, I cant give up cause I need to go Sec 5. Just realise that I've planned to study Maths and Science but forgot about Geography. Design & Technology will have 4 days of revision before the paper starts. So it's okay that I focus on the others first. Monday and Tuesday went back school to study and taking a break on Wednesday and Thursday but Friday still going back for appointment with teachers.

So much things had happened and I really dont know how to adjust my emotions. In the past, no matter what problem it is, I wouldn't be affected but now, Im slightly affected though. Thinking if in the past, I wasnt like this and didnt cause him to change and be like this, how different would everything be? It would definately be better than now. Really wish that time would go back and let him have time to think before he act. Dont wish anything bad would happened. Hope he comes home soon, Im starting to miss you. I want you back here, let you scold me and dote me. I cant change what's already happened but I wish to make amends to what Ive did wrong. Stop talking about him le barh. The other him, whom I love, is there when I needed him though he cant accompany me most of the time, he tries his very best to spend more time with me. Im grateful for what he has done. While he's sleeping, Im writing this post and also, Im falling asleep too. Finish this post and gonna go sleep already. Really tired from everything.

Sleeping is the only time when I dont need to think of anything. No matter what happens, Im going to smile and face it bravely.
If the world turns its back again against you, I'll stand behind you and turn my back against the world.
Nothing gonna bring me down again.


Just 2 more days till the day but now, such things happened. Start anew? See if feelings fade after the years? What can I say or what can I do? Nothing cause Im just useless. Too useless to do anything to stop these from happening. Went to look through all the pictures that we had then realise we dont really have much pictures together. At first, I think youre the only one madly in love. Now, I've really become the person who cant leave you, dont wish to leave you. Seriously, what can I say to you? Ignore them and continue our relationship? I dont expect you to defy them and dont wish us to be seperated. Im really heartbroken. Feel very sick now that seems like all illness is here. Like you said "we come so close that only death, can seperate us", I hope Im the one who dies but dont wish to leave you behind also. All your words, you said Im your girl but you aint sharing your burden with me. Pushing all the blames on yourself, suffering yourself, who am I to you then? I can't solve your problem but let me face the problem with you cause I dont wish to be useless anymore. I dont know how to take public transport, do work, buy things, everytime need people help, you're the one always there to teach me. Im grateful for your actions, falling in love with you is totally not a wrong cause it has taught me alot. Lastly, I still want to say that I dont want to leave you no matter what happens.











Today is my most beloved mommy's birthday! So this morning, overslept again larh! Rush to school cause have exam or else I wont bother to go, man. Get down the car then need go parade square liao then walk like so blur blur one. Geography so hard larh especially MAP READING, I was like HELL GOD SAVE ME! Haha, so after the paper, went to Hougang Mall with ChengHan, JiaYan, JiaMin & her boyfriend to eat then they are like so sweet together. Keep thinking of something then JiaYan and JiaMin also give me advices but like no use so I took the long bus route, 325, reflect of everything then think think think. Reached home, Mommy's birthday but she like so sad cause of ._. larh. Took my money, went to Fairprice and shop for Ingredients as cooking dinner for family to celebrate Mommy's birthday. Ivan accompany me go find Onions, Carrots, Potatos and sweetcorns. He even help me choose Promper (If i never forget spelling, it's a fish though) as I dont dare to touch and went toilet. Well, I left him there :P Then I got to pick the prawns myself and I was like OH MY GOD ! After Eugene them come find me, Ivan go off cause he need go out also. We went to find Pork Ribs and eggs then went home to cook already. Boil pork rib first then make the soup with my vegetables. Cooked Chilli Prawn, Steam Fish, Sunny Egg and Vegetable Soup then made the sauce for steam fish myself. It's light soya sauce with rock sugar and water. Im not praising myself but tastes really nice though. All dishes are finished except the soup and everybody is so full! Awhile more then we'll start cutting the cake already. Will post the picture afterwards.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY ♥ MUACKSSS

Today is Singapore's 46th Birthday! Yesterday the school has held the NDP Celebration and of course, there is a parade like every year. Sec 4s are the GOH and the others as the supporting contigents. The parade was quite a success and everybody tried their best to endure though some of them were sick. The Parade is not just for NDP and is also the POP for the Sec 4s. Well, it's not the official of POP of the NPCC yet but still, we threw our beret as if we've really passed out. After the parade, it's the performance time. Every classes has their own unique way of performing and some even breakdance. During the sing-a-long session, many of us dragged the teachers to the stage and sing. WeiLing and me was like so high that we were singing loudly and going along with the songs. Took polariod pictures with teachers, daddy, weiling, jiayan and francie. Currently watching NDP through TV and blogging. The parade is really awesome with the contigents so coordinated. Especially the GOH and the flag party as they salute with the flag at the exact same timing. The 2nd Parade Commander was a female and it's not so common to see female commanders. Performance was not bad but I can barely spot my school's dance people in it. This year's theme song is nice and touching. The gigantic lights behind the skyscrapers nearly made me thought the sun was rising. So fantastic and nice for this year's National Day Celebration. It's President S R Nathan's last year being a president though. I hope the next president would be as great as him by contributing as much as he did. Happy 46th Birthday, Singapore !







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CHANNEL.W.JIASIN
Currently 17 & turns older every 28 April.
Hougang Primary | Peicai Secondary | Nope, I'm now studying at ITE Central College Bishan.
Ain't those kind of typical pamper-ed girls, no worries :D
Life's short, enjoy and play hard !
You can hate me but dont forget I can also hate you. I treat those who treat me well, doubly well(:

Ann. | Bryan. | Caroline. | ChenYan | Daryl. | Denise. | Gin. | Hillary. | Jason. | LeeJiaYan. | LiCheng. | Magdelene. |
Matt Stephen. | Nat. | Nicholas. | Rayson. | Roy. | Rytha. | Timothy. | Wilson. | Zhanke. |

By post:
0509'12 Area Camp
3008'12 Pack, Peg, Pen
2707'12 1st Month as P/CI
2506'12 CIBTC J12
3105'12 PAYM Shine Awards
2904'12 17th Birthday
0304'12 Relationship?
2803'12 Chalet
2802'12 Daydream-ing
2001'12 The Day

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This year is my first time going Area Camp as Instructer. It's been like 3 years since I went to he ATC Campsite! When I saw the Instructors tere, they just remind me how it was when I was a Sec 2 cadet. Suddenly, this HO Jasper ask me to take group with him so became a Group Instructor also. Nevermind, it's a opportunity for me to learn and experience(:

Day 1
Practically, some schools were late so we started our Camp Opening quite late too and didn't really have introduction of the instructers to the cadets. I think actually they can finish pitching up the tents like real fast but they took alot of time in drawing the logistics and changing their tent sheets. Their movement were quite slow and when some of them are finished or waiting for their tent sheets to be exchanged, they were just standing around and not helping the others. If they made th effort to help one another, it will be so much faster. Dinner time, fast in eating but slowly in cleaning. So many cadets were cleaning the place together yet there are still so many leftovers all over the floor. Lots of scoldings to the cadets due to their movements, discipline and resonsibility. Bathing part with the Instructors was fun and we had supper together. Most of us went to sleep around 3am and the guys did the night duty. Chasing the crockroach away before sleeping is funny! (:

Day 2
Woke up around 6am due to the noise by the cadets. When I walk out to the canteen, I saw around 15 cadets that were late. While they were doing scretching, I was like walking around then suddenly they ask me go raise flag then I can't go brush teeth! That was like awkward and I covered my mouth all the way to the flag pole. After raising the flag, they continue with their Physical Training and I went to brush my teeth at the canteen's basin. Breakfast and they left their place uncleaned again. Campfire Preparation was fun as they finally can let loose and "enjoy" abit in the camp. Activity Cycle starts right after Campfire Prep. Did the first station for Amazing Race near the ATC Logistic House, was standing there for awhile only then all the mosquito all come after me. Total there is 3 cycle so must wait for the cadets to come over after their other activities. During my waiting time, Diana Ma'am and the other instructors taught me how to played some card game that lasts really very long! Today's bathing time is really early and when I put on my Area Tee, I felt really happy cause I'm part of Area 6 as Instructor(: Anyway the bathing session was really epic and funny! At night, we went over to the STC side to have the combined Campfire with the Sec 3s. Campfire was quite alright and it reminds me about me being the emcee of the campfire like 2 years back. We always make ourselves high rather than the cadets making everybody feel high, haha! Going back to the ATC side and we had our every-year-event "Pasar Malam" and it is quite furious. This time, we shared noodles and mushroom soup among us for supper. Everybody was so tired and most of us went to sleep already and the others split themselves and did the night duty.

Day 3
This time I kind of overslept as I woke up like 7am! It was breakfast time then I realised I didnt do anything to help out yet. Opps! After breakfast, we had the area cleaning. This time, things were quite smooth and we interview the nominated cadets. We lie to them that weare sending them to some 'Wight Management' programme and we can only choose one among them so they have to go through the interview before they are chosen. The cadets were really funny and they kind of like believe it. Everything was kind of settled then we start to move to the STC Side to meet up with the Sec 3s and travel to the Jetty. We sang alot of songs during the way out and had some fun during the journey. When leaving the jetty, you can see most of the cadets with happy faces and tired faces. This Area Camp has really let me learnt alot and I believe all these will let me become a better Cadet Inspector(:

Anyway, I'm still kind of bothered by the cadets calling me "SIR" ._.

Lately was busy doing project and presentation and doesnt have time to pack my camp bag till today. Have to spend more time in packingmy bag so this post would be short and simple(: I'm going Area Camp as Instruction for this time and I'm really excited about it. Will be away from 31 Aug till 2 Sep. Hopefully there will be reception so I could at least message. Let's end here then! The next post would definitely about my experience in Area Camp !

Pulau Ubin, here I come!

It's been one month since I graduated from CIBTC. Kind of missed the life as a trainee and also can't wait to clear the probations. During this one month, I really pump alot of my time into NPCC like going for SYFOC Log Team, Drill Comp Duty, Range Duty and PK stuffs. Through these events, I get to know alot people that can really guide me throughout my CI life.

It's really enjoying during the duties cause you actually learn and have fun with the fellow CIs. Understanding what are the duties and the difference of the duties to be done. Inside Drill Comp, you help in the registrations, pressing bell, keeping time and maintaining the crowds. Like being in the Logistics, making sure there is enough rations and logs for the event. For Range Duty, you will help sticking the stickers on the targets, controlling the targets in the control room, counting the scores, helping in the range room, carparks and registrations. So many different roles to be learnt and being the Range IC was quite fun when you just sit in the control room and control the distance and time for the targets. Logistics is fun when you start packing things into the tentage and preparing for the cadets to collect.

Really enjoyed being a CI but higher rank means more responsibilities. Posting is still not out yet but alot people already told me that there is a high chance which I will be posted out of Peicai. I mean I already know this before I actually go for CIBTC. Knowing the fact but yet still afraid of the fact. So long that the posting is not out, Im not posted out of Peicai yet, I will do my best to train and bring out the potential of the cadets. Was wondering if I set too high expectations on my Sec 2s that they seem to be so exhausted. They are so not used to my way of teaching "before course" and "after course" difference. IF I really get posted out, I hope that before I get the posting, the cadets can really change and shine. Probably the last thing I would want to achieve before leaving.

CIBTC had marked its end two days ago. When CIBTC just starts, I cant wait for it to end but now, I hope I can do it all over again. Since 19 May to 23 June, the days that different people from different units met each other and become a batch together. 4 MCs, 1 NRC, 5 Days of RC, 4 Days of ATC, it just make us bond even more. Everybody seem to be having post-course syndrome.

First day of MC, uniform inspection and etc was all so strict. Instructors with fierce and "do not mess with" looks. Lectures, lectures and drills. Everybody is like falling asleep during lectures. Remember the times when everybody had to come out with lesson plan and ATC proposal stuffs. Messing with your own brain about sleeping or doing work, minds keep wondering around during the course. Foot Drills 1, Foot Drills 2, Flagstaff, Lashings, Pioneering and more. At times, all the "THIS IS SHIT", "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS" or "WHY AM I HERE" was all in my mind and definitely and some of the J12 people's mind too but we never forget the purpose of attending this CIBTC.

MCs finally ended and Sunday was supposely to be a break for us but Group 6, Poseidon, still have to go for Recce that lasts for 4hours. Mosquito bites are all around our hands and legs. Itchy all over the body and can't stop scratching. The next day is NRC and got to be at Ubin again. Flagstaff and Tent pitching, it was never so challenging before. Probably, we all never took all these things into our heart before so we dont feel the challenge back then. Eating the combat ration and sharing food together in the squad seriously just bring us even closer. Right after NRC, it's RC and 5days straight.

First day of RC was kind of smooth and know more people as my bunkmates. Can't forget the nights when we all rushing each other to bathe, do laundry, helping each other to do stuffs. After bathing, hair not dried, doing reflections late at night, using our handphones behind the instructors' back. The hilarious part is how we all jump and dive into the bed when instructors are coming in the bunks. The next morning, we all have to help each other braid their hair, prepare uniform and polish boots. Rushing each other to fall in and march to the Drill Shed. One day have around 2 COA and everytime must run up the stairs and change inside the bunk and chiong all the way down to the first floor again. Late at night must still meet up with ATC Group or Squad to discuss about PT, Lesson plan and Proposals. Running into the male laundry room instead of the female laundry room with Geraldine, doing alot of funny stuffs together. RC is really fun and memoriable. 

ATC, the final stage of CIBTC. Everyone tried to put in their very best as I believe everybody want to have a very nice ending. Having the group identity on our hand, it always remind us that we are part of the group and that things possible. Flag raising, Physical Training, Camp Familiarisation, Tent Inspection, Pioneering, Special Programme, Land Expedition, Squad Debrief, Mass Debrief and more. Girls having hard time braiding their hairs again and again, waking up with hair that is not fully dried, going through the days without handphones, eating instant noodles and canned food, queuing up for cubicle to bathe and many more. The most enjoyable time would definitely be Campfire as it really led us crazy. Feeling touched when the CIIs sang the song to us and being happy that ATC is ending.

POC, happy yet sad as we might not see each other as often as we does during the course. Able to see each other every Saturday for MCs, facing each other everyday during RCs and ATCs, and it's already POC. When we all receive our certificate, I believe many of us felt the sense of achievement. When all of us stood at the back of the hall, watching the video that the CIIs prepared, we giggled, we laughed and also felt touched. The tears of not wanting to leave, hoping to stay longer, was dripped down from my eyes. Oh well, I controlled (: There are people who really shed tears when watching the video.

How coud we ever forget the times we all had together? I believe everybody will remember it as it had already become part of our memory. Being trainees together, getting punished together, sharing the same bunk/tent and sharing food together. I seriously hope we could semula and redo everything again but it can't. Hopefully all of us will meet up soon and with 54 of us, none of us are being left out. Because of this 54 of us, we make up to a possible J12.



On the 27 May, which is last Sunday, I took part in the PAYM Shine Awards Performance with the Mountbatten CC Dance Interest Group. Theme for the event was Blue, Silver and White. I was wondering what type of silver stuff I can get for the performance. Can't really find silver apparels then got only my silver belt and silver wrist band. I wore a white singlet inside the white translucent top, blue shorts and my dancing shoe. I met up with Caifa and Suying at Ang Mo Kio MRT then we proceed to Orchard to meet the others and also saw Angeline and Apple as we got down the train.

When we met with the girls, we went to Burger King to find Chenghui, Angela, Yanyan and others. We ate our lunch and met others like the 2 Justin guy and Adel. Figuring the way to Orchard Hotel with the picture given by Wandee. Justin got kind of blur when we are at the underpass. Finally found Orchard Hotel and was waiting at the Ballroom for instruction to be given. Some people give their costume for the people to help them iron and we put our bags to the Lavendar Room so we could do our practice. Angeline, Grace and me was dancing offstage for the event. It was kind of scary because the audience are just infront of us but of course the eyes of the audience are mostly on top of the stage. After rehearsal, we changed to our costume, have dinner and then have our makeup done. All the makeup artists are like so cool and relaxed as they play music, sing along and do our makeup. The person did my makeup like so OH MY GOSH! She actually put makeup base, foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, blusher, lipstick and lip gloss. My makeup is so thick that I cant even recognise myself too but alot people say that it's very nice. We had another dry run and photographs to be taken and then went to do our hair. We took alot of pictures even with Kenneth and Wandee also.

Around 7pm, everybody is getting ready at their own place for the performance to start. Once Justin start rapping and Caifa start beatboxing, we jump and run into the ballroom with our hands clapping. Till Justin say something that gives us a signal, we run to our placing and start dancing. I was so afraid that I might make a boo-boo but thank goodness, I did not but I realise my face doesnt have those expression. After dancing, everybody was so happy that we completed the performance. We took pictures with each other then went off soon after. Justin Chua, Apple, Grace and me went to Orchard Ion and have our very late dinner at some sushi shop. We end up chatting into some weird conversation that I think I shouldnt reveal~ Anyway it was quite a fun day and memoriable day.

Mountbatten Group with Kenneth Wong

Performing people

With the Makeup Blastic

Charis, Angeline, Angela, ChengHui, Me, Terrence, Justin Lam

Though it wasnt like the birthdays before with all my friends, at least the new friends I made, celebrated with me. I LOVE YOU GUYS LIKE HELLA LOTS ♥

27 April ; Serena bought me a present and it's in blue too. My favourite colour, thanks alot Serena .  People like Norman, Grace and the dance people  prepared a cake for me and celebrated after CCA. Everybody is like "SOLO SOLO" because Erwin said I'm gonna perform solo. I thought they were suppose to entertain me instead? So awkward but I dragged Norman to dance with me. Anyway, Normzz and Grace was so funny that they actually brought me to choose cake and they say "the cake is for a girl we both know and she's kind of alike to you so we hope you can choose for us". How many people in this world likes Doraemon and has same taste as me? OH MY GOD? So actually I knew what they will be doing but was still very happy and touched for what they did . After that went to ZhuHai's house for dinner. He cooked for me a dinner. Except my family, who else would actually make the effort to cook for me? It's been a long time since I ate home cooked food. His cooking is quite good, at least better than mine. Enjoyed the dinner that he prepared though it took quite awhile before I get to eat. Thanks alot, ZhuHai. Really appreciate what you did .

28 April ; Woke up quite late so end up meeting my Aunt with Mom for dinner instead of lunch. We went to the Crystal Jade Restaurant @ NEX. The soup was very nice and sweet but I dont like the chicken in it though. We also ordered the Peking Roast Duck but I only eat the skin cause it's very crispy and nice especially when it wrapped with the egg skin and others. I dont really like to eat meat so I took out the duck meat from the noodle. The vegetable with garlic was quite okay and the Salted Egg Prawn was nice but just a little bit too much of flour, thats all. Dessert was Mango Pudding and it was very nice even though I didnt add the milk into it. We went around to shop around then end up at Isetan. Bought a Sheer Illuminating Base and Hydrating Sheer Lipshine from CHANEL. Thanks Mom and Aunt for buying it for me. We saw "The Avengers" show then we saw people playing the game. Hammering the object and see how much score you can get. Couldn't believe that I actually went to play, and got like about 600 points. So embarassing cause there's alot people looking. Meet ZhuHai around 8.30pm and went to buy the movie tickets of P.O.V, the Horror Film of Japan. Grace was supposed to come but she wasn't free.The show starts at 9.15pm then at first was like kind of boring till it starts to have some loud noise and those ghost finally appear. I was like so calm but ZhuHai and the girl at our row was like so scared. I'm like giggling and so calm at a horror film. AWESOME RIGHT? Anyway, thanks for the Gift from Jeremy. I really like the jigsaw Doraemon. After the movie, took a cab home then was like so tired and saw alot of wishes on facebook. Thank you so much, people!

29 April ; Second brother took me and mom out for lunch and we are having Dinner @ Jack's Place with Dad and brother. To celebrate my belated birthday and my brother's early birthday. My Elder Brother's birthday is on 2 May and is like so near to mine also. The waitress didnt really serve us and she look at us as if we got no money to pay. Last time their service was like excellent but now is like a piece of shit. Totally disappoint me but the food did not. I still enjoyed the Seafood Salad and Lobster Bisque. It's my all time favourite at Jack's Place. After eating, I went to Hai Bin @ Punggol with Mom, 2nd Brother and YongZheng. The new pond was opened so we decided to try. I caught 2 fish from the pond and caught like 3-4 patin at the normal pond. Was kind of happy today and had lots of fun. It's been very long since the whole family sat down and eat together. Really enjoy family time together at times.
Many people says that Relationships are just like ; Rubberbands - The more you pull and when you let go, the more hurt will the partner gets. Also, there are people saying that it's like ; Flying Kite - The tighter you pull the string, the higher chance that it will snap. There's also another thinking like - The girl is the item on shelf, if you like it, you should go for it. If you leave it there for too long, another person will come along and take it away. Dont you feel so too? If you truly like the person, just go for it. Dont leave it there for too long and wait till someone else took it away then you start to regret it.

Taking that last thinking ; You might felt that it's not worth "buying" that item, so you walked away and left it there. Once you reached home and start thinking, you realised that you actually needs it. When you went back to the store, somebody else already bought it away and start treasuring it. Never take too long for a decision. Some items might stay there for you but some may not. They arent really on reserved mode just for you. There will always be someone better that will treasure them way more than you do. For those that has a crush, dont you felt that you should go back to the store and get it?

Girls might neglect those good guys around them but also guys, dont you felt that you neglected the wonderful girls around you too? (:

i do not own this picture - Had quite an awesome time at the Chalet with Shermen, Jeremy, Kenneth, YangSheng, MingMin, KaiJia, Keith and others. Though the first night was kind of the turn-off. Had such a difficult time trying to sleep and fail like shit. Middle of the night like 4am plus, stomach cramp and broke out in cold sweat. That was such a bad experience at the chalet. Second day, went fishing with Jeremy and Shermen at Bedok Jetty then he fell sick. Sad for him that he keep puking then we cant catch much fish also. Went back to the chalet around 2pm plus and I'm so burnt. After we went back the chalet, we played Blackjack with Kaylyn, Vicki and Zihao. From the start already keep losing money to Jeremy. When Jeremy do split, he split into 4 then he still can win me by having 19 20 19 19.. He won alot but when we played with Kenneth in the night time, he lost quite an amount. When we all going sleep, we realise something scary. That is Caifa, he sleep like a bomb, can hit here hit there and knock our bed. He even go pull away Zac & Shermen's blanket. Zac was like " WTF?! " and in the morning, we had such a hard time waking Caifa up. He's really a deep deep heavy sleeper. We were almost late for check out because of him. Kenneth, Hou Yeung and Keith was so kind to help us clean up the chalet before leaving early and we didnt clear up much. Anyway, it was a good time being with these group of friends. Hope something like this will take place again soon. A gathering that let us talk all night and have fun memorising.

How I wish I can be a photography - To take down pictures of all the memories , happy times, sad times and alot more that human are going through.

How I wish I can be a artist - To draw out what I really am feeling deep inside my heart. To draw out the specials from the originals.

How I wish I can be a counsellor - To be a listening ear and someone who can give people options and lead them back to the right way.

How I wish I can be a illusionist - To be able to draw out whatever had happened in my dream.

How I wish I can be a angel - To bring happiness to people and be able to see all their smiles.

I wish to be these, I know I cant as there's too many. Humans are always so greedy that they want everything for themselves. I'm no different at all. If there's dream, there would be hope. With hope, comes chances. How I wish that there's a place where no worries is, no competition going on, no wars, quarrellings and worries. Living in a peaceful world of my own . How great would that be..

January Post; Only in my heart, no one shall knows .

Have not been blogging for so long already and finally wants to write a post. Too much things to say about it already. Like, chingay has never reach my expectation at all. This is to be honest as the atmosphere really isnt not there yet. Spending so much time to go there and going home so tired everyday. Insomia insomia.. Cant even have a good sleep lately.

Suppose to blog about my GCE N Level Results on 19 December. Failed 1 subject and that's Science. Total, I got 20 points and going to Sec 5 or Higher Nitec has to be 19 points. Damn fustrated and devasted. I was having high hopes on getting 19 points at least but in the end get 20points. Cant go Sec 5. Think it's even a bigger blow to my parents. Nothing can be changed also so just work hard now. So the sequence goes like this.

English Language Syllabus A            Grade 4
Combind Humanities                         Grade 5
Mathematics Syllabus A                    Grade 4
Science (Physics, Chemistry)            UNGRADED
Design And Technology                    Grade 5
Chinese                                              Grade 2
Chinese (Oral/Aural)                          Merit

27 Dec, went to Bishan ITE for my course's interview. I choose Retail as my first choice and the interview was going quite smoothly till some remarks on my report book. Like asking me to stay focused and etc. Guys, be good and let the teachers write good remarks on your report book. Even one negative remark is going to affect you. I explained and today finally got my results. I got in to Bishan ITE and with the course, Retail. Quite happy about it cause I didnt expect they would accept me.

2011 is going to mark its end soon and 2012 would be a new beginning for everybody. I will work hard in Nitec, go straight to High Nitec then promote to Polytechnic. So my parents would be happy for me and I believe that I can do it so long I want it.


Just do your best to achieve what you want

It's about a month that I've not updated my blog D: Lately keep rain then make me sleep until like a log till so late then wake up. Not just work is busy for me, I also need go chingay. Every monday must chiong to catch the last bus but always cannot make it. Saturday must wake up very early also cause as a trainer must be earlier than participant. Sometime see the participants wasnt serious about the training, see already also sian. Some of them still not very cooperative to us, very hard to handle them. Oh well ): Previously, I worked at Marks & Spencers but the people at my branch there isn't so friendly and is like abit racism): So, I left that job already. Brother got me a one-day job at Garden by the Bay by Hilton Hotel. Some catering job and as Kitchen Helper. Then got one chef ask me if I want to work then since I havent found a job, I accept it. The people there also not that social but at least got 1-2 will talk to me. Until the third day of work, I cannot take it already. The people there's at there has a very serious attitude problem man. One chef very good one, he know I dont want work at that Kitchen anymore then he transfer me to the other kitchen which everybody treats me very good but is also my last day of work cause I switching to the other counter already. Currently waiting to go down for interview tomorrow :3 HOOOO, get pay then can go shop shop abit ! Lately, also nothing happened so nothing much to write also. Just that few days ago, went to Grandpa house to celebrate his birthday then ate alot too. Cousins talking about flashmob then we play Monoploy Duo also. Dont understand how the game was played also then just anyhow put. After that just cut cake and then go home already. Aunt gave us alot Mango Pudding and other dessert. Gonna get fat again ._.


I dont want anything, I dont care about any others, I dont wish for forgiveness. I just want you, by my side only -

If time stops right now, I wish every tears that's been shed, would freeze. Down the road, I can only see you, just you, only you.

To my dearest,

There's so much that I wish to let you know at times but I dont know why my memories and courage is failing me. That's why sometimes you didnt hear clearly, I didnt repeat cause I can only gather all the courage to just say once, only once. Your hand is the warmest and softest skin I might ever held. I dont wish to let go of it, just want to hold it tight and never ever let go. Actually Im afraid of alot of thing, not like how many people think of me. Scared of losing you, be it any reasons, still going to be miserable for me.

Alot times, I tried using other method to communicate with you when I cant bring myself to say. If you pay attention to what I said before, pictures or musics, you will realise that all of them forms up to every thing I want to tell you. At times, I cant do things up to your expectation, I feel so useless and also dont know what I can do to make it up for all the mistakes I did. You always try to teach me things in life, things to do and not to do, helping me to control myself but I always end up throwing tantrum, venting angers and showing attitude to you.

Alot of times, I felt so helpless and I cried, lots of tears every day. Ever since that day, I felt like I'm nothing but trouble to you like making you falling apart with your other close ones. I wish you all will reconcile even the price must be parting, I will cause I want all of you to be happy. You've been doing alot of things for me, listening to my complains and trying to help my family. The only things I wish to lasts forever is just the hugs, cause it has alot of warmth. I feel so pampered and protected whenever I'm with you.

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you                                 PS I LOVE YOU ;

Been thinking alot lately about many stuffs like personal things and studies. Im really worried that I cant make it to Sec 5 and couldnt continue my future plan. Though this consultation week I can dont go back school, I chose to go back and study real hard especially for my Maths. I aint giving up on my Science though. I went for Physics today and it's like killing me. Still, I cant give up cause I need to go Sec 5. Just realise that I've planned to study Maths and Science but forgot about Geography. Design & Technology will have 4 days of revision before the paper starts. So it's okay that I focus on the others first. Monday and Tuesday went back school to study and taking a break on Wednesday and Thursday but Friday still going back for appointment with teachers.

So much things had happened and I really dont know how to adjust my emotions. In the past, no matter what problem it is, I wouldn't be affected but now, Im slightly affected though. Thinking if in the past, I wasnt like this and didnt cause him to change and be like this, how different would everything be? It would definately be better than now. Really wish that time would go back and let him have time to think before he act. Dont wish anything bad would happened. Hope he comes home soon, Im starting to miss you. I want you back here, let you scold me and dote me. I cant change what's already happened but I wish to make amends to what Ive did wrong. Stop talking about him le barh. The other him, whom I love, is there when I needed him though he cant accompany me most of the time, he tries his very best to spend more time with me. Im grateful for what he has done. While he's sleeping, Im writing this post and also, Im falling asleep too. Finish this post and gonna go sleep already. Really tired from everything.

Sleeping is the only time when I dont need to think of anything. No matter what happens, Im going to smile and face it bravely.
If the world turns its back again against you, I'll stand behind you and turn my back against the world.
Nothing gonna bring me down again.


Just 2 more days till the day but now, such things happened. Start anew? See if feelings fade after the years? What can I say or what can I do? Nothing cause Im just useless. Too useless to do anything to stop these from happening. Went to look through all the pictures that we had then realise we dont really have much pictures together. At first, I think youre the only one madly in love. Now, I've really become the person who cant leave you, dont wish to leave you. Seriously, what can I say to you? Ignore them and continue our relationship? I dont expect you to defy them and dont wish us to be seperated. Im really heartbroken. Feel very sick now that seems like all illness is here. Like you said "we come so close that only death, can seperate us", I hope Im the one who dies but dont wish to leave you behind also. All your words, you said Im your girl but you aint sharing your burden with me. Pushing all the blames on yourself, suffering yourself, who am I to you then? I can't solve your problem but let me face the problem with you cause I dont wish to be useless anymore. I dont know how to take public transport, do work, buy things, everytime need people help, you're the one always there to teach me. Im grateful for your actions, falling in love with you is totally not a wrong cause it has taught me alot. Lastly, I still want to say that I dont want to leave you no matter what happens.











Today is my most beloved mommy's birthday! So this morning, overslept again larh! Rush to school cause have exam or else I wont bother to go, man. Get down the car then need go parade square liao then walk like so blur blur one. Geography so hard larh especially MAP READING, I was like HELL GOD SAVE ME! Haha, so after the paper, went to Hougang Mall with ChengHan, JiaYan, JiaMin & her boyfriend to eat then they are like so sweet together. Keep thinking of something then JiaYan and JiaMin also give me advices but like no use so I took the long bus route, 325, reflect of everything then think think think. Reached home, Mommy's birthday but she like so sad cause of ._. larh. Took my money, went to Fairprice and shop for Ingredients as cooking dinner for family to celebrate Mommy's birthday. Ivan accompany me go find Onions, Carrots, Potatos and sweetcorns. He even help me choose Promper (If i never forget spelling, it's a fish though) as I dont dare to touch and went toilet. Well, I left him there :P Then I got to pick the prawns myself and I was like OH MY GOD ! After Eugene them come find me, Ivan go off cause he need go out also. We went to find Pork Ribs and eggs then went home to cook already. Boil pork rib first then make the soup with my vegetables. Cooked Chilli Prawn, Steam Fish, Sunny Egg and Vegetable Soup then made the sauce for steam fish myself. It's light soya sauce with rock sugar and water. Im not praising myself but tastes really nice though. All dishes are finished except the soup and everybody is so full! Awhile more then we'll start cutting the cake already. Will post the picture afterwards.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY ♥ MUACKSSS

Today is Singapore's 46th Birthday! Yesterday the school has held the NDP Celebration and of course, there is a parade like every year. Sec 4s are the GOH and the others as the supporting contigents. The parade was quite a success and everybody tried their best to endure though some of them were sick. The Parade is not just for NDP and is also the POP for the Sec 4s. Well, it's not the official of POP of the NPCC yet but still, we threw our beret as if we've really passed out. After the parade, it's the performance time. Every classes has their own unique way of performing and some even breakdance. During the sing-a-long session, many of us dragged the teachers to the stage and sing. WeiLing and me was like so high that we were singing loudly and going along with the songs. Took polariod pictures with teachers, daddy, weiling, jiayan and francie. Currently watching NDP through TV and blogging. The parade is really awesome with the contigents so coordinated. Especially the GOH and the flag party as they salute with the flag at the exact same timing. The 2nd Parade Commander was a female and it's not so common to see female commanders. Performance was not bad but I can barely spot my school's dance people in it. This year's theme song is nice and touching. The gigantic lights behind the skyscrapers nearly made me thought the sun was rising. So fantastic and nice for this year's National Day Celebration. It's President S R Nathan's last year being a president though. I hope the next president would be as great as him by contributing as much as he did. Happy 46th Birthday, Singapore !







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